Currently Listening In Between Dreams By Jack Johnson see related

Fall has come and gone in most of the country, but we are just beginning to see its approach.  In my dreams, I found a place here that was changing color, but I haven't seen it in reality except up north.  I went to Flagstaff in October and got to see some color, but here it has been remaining in the 80 and 90 degree weather.  On the up side, I can play frisbee after dark in shorts and short sleeves.  The interesting thing is that the lack of change in temperature hasn't kept my body from noticing the change in season.  After all, the sun is up less now, and the light is never as strong as in summer: more golden, I think.  Winter doesn't make me think of death here, but I still feel more alone at this time of year.  Added on to that, this year is wearing on me.  I always feel tired and sad, but not depressed.  I am overwhelmed by work, saddened and frustrated that my students don't seem to be changing at all, scared of what the future holds but sure it isn't teaching here.  One of my co-workers just asked me if I was ok because he said I always seem sad these days.  That was a true statement, but it made me want to cry...after all, people have always known me as cheerful.  I am working on applying to Wycliffe, and want to move in that direction, but that makes it harder to be here.  I am struggling to care about teaching.  I want to finish strong, but it's taking so much work that I don't feel I have any real friends anymore.  I don't even know my best friend like I did.  She and I used to talk all the time and now we are both so busy, we're lucky if we talk once a week, and then only for a few minutes at a time.  I know life is just going to get harder and busier, so many people have more to do and can do it all without falling apart, but I can't figure out how.  I had to work on a Saturday in order to make a dent in my work, and I stay here til at least 6:30 every day.  I am at church all day Sundays so I struggle to find time to rest.

Thus ends my uplifting entry.  See why I don't write anymore?  However, the mountains and clouds outside my window are quite lovely.